No Explanations
by A Lucky Stone
Summary: Love, like, desire... all different, and none of them quite right to describe how Jack feels about Gwen. An alternate ending to a scene in 2.01! Jack x Gwen, written for Sokorra Lewis. Concrit always welcomed.


No Explanations

_(A Jack x Gwen fanfic, for Jess, by Lissi)_

"…Here we go again. You know everything about me Jack, why d'you keep shutting me out?"

Gwen stared at him, accusing, and Jack almost wished he'd answered her question. But he wished more than that that Captain John Hart had never turned up. He didn't want to remember, and he really didn't want to have to explain. "Here, now – that's what's important. The work we do, the person I am now, that's what I'm proud of," he said, punctuating the words with gestures for emphasis.

"Then why did you desert us?" she burst out angrily. Gwen stared at Jack, demanding a reply, but he couldn't find the words. He opened his mouth to begin, hesitated, stopped.

"Where did you go?" Gwen asked. "No, no come on, where did you go? Tell me." She stepped closer to him, looking up at him from bright eyes.

Jack swallowed. He couldn't. He didn't want to. He couldn't afford to. He looked at her warily.

"Talk to me."

He couldn't bring himself to meet her eyes, knowing too well the look that would be in them, the look that could break his self-control so easily. But he owed her an explanation, even if it wasn't the whole truth. He sighed. "I have died so many times. Been dragged back into life, like being hauled over broken glass." He raised his eyebrows, knowing just how unbelievable it sounded, knowing that almost anybody else would think he was mad. "I saw the end of the world."

"How?" she asked, puzzled.

He shook his head. "Doesn't matter now. But after it was all it over…" Grinning in memory of relief, he continued, "I knew I belong here. What kept me fighting was the thought of coming home to you."

There, he'd said it. Jack reached out, ran a hand down Gwen's arm lightly, smiling at her. He took her hand, saw her eyes widen slightly, and felt –

"What's this?" he asked, bringing her hand up in his.

Gwen looked at it. "That's, uh, that's an engagement ring that is," she said, widening her eyes in mock surprise.

"You're getting married?" He was incredulous. He'd never expected this.

"Yes," she said, nodding. "Rhys asked." She pulled her hand away from his. "While you were away."

Jack folded his arms. "Gwen Cooper, getting married?" He grinned to cover up the pain that he was sure showed in his expression. "…Down on one knee?"

"Well he tried to, then he had a twinge in his back and had to lie on the settee, that's when he popped the question." Her eyes flickered across his face, but her voice was level and matter-of-fact.

"And you said yes?" Jack wondered, as he said the words, why his voice and their breathing were the only sounds left in the world, why everything felt suddenly so still and unreal.

"Well no one else'll have me." Gwen's voice broke into the silence, bringing him halfway back into reality. He could hear Ianto and Tosh in the other room, their voices carrying as if from far away. He looked into Gwen's eyes and suddenly it was real. She was getting married. He was going to lose her.

Jack had thought that being brought back from death was painful, but this was worse. Worse than being dragged over broken glass; like falling through fire and ice, falling out of control, unstoppably and without even the certainty of dying – in this moment, everything he had been sure of was gone.

Gwen was waiting for him to say something. She looked concerned, and he realised the struggle must show in his face. He reached for words to reply, to explain, and found nothing. _Nothing_. Why now, when he needed them the most?

"Jack?" She looked up at him from beautiful sea-green eyes.

"Gwen." The words he'd been intending to say _(congratulations; good for you)_ stuck in his throat, and something else took their place. "Don't do this."

Gwen looked startled. "What?"

He couldn't back out now. "Don't do this. Don't marry Rhys." Jack shook his head in desperation.

"Jack…" There was a note of warning in her voice. How could she know? "What do you mean?"

"I mean, I -" He couldn't say it, couldn't express in words how he felt about her. With Gwen, it was so much more complicated than plain desire or like or love. He _desired_ John Hart. He liked Ianto, and desired him too. He loved the Doctor. He'd known each of those things a thousand times over, in every combination under any sun. This was something else. And though he knew it would not be an explanation, that it would fall far short of the words he would say if he could, though he knew she'd probably reject him – he kissed her.

After a split second of wonder, Gwen pulled away. "Jack…" There was still a cautious edge to her voice, but mostly she looked confused.

He smiled at her, hands resting on her shoulders. "You deserve more. Much more than a second-rate substitute whose proposal you only accepted because you didn't think you'd get any others!" His voice had risen; he paused for breath and quietened it. "Gwen, I love you."

She looked at him warily. "So does Rhys."

He had no answer for that save to kiss her again, to try to impart some little of his feelings, some understanding of how much _more_ than love this was. This time, she didn't resist. Her hands came up to his face, and her lips parted slightly against his as she pulled him deeper into the kiss. It was all that he'd wanted for the past year, and it was wonderful.

Jack's hands slid to Gwen's waist and he edged her back, pushing her up against the wall. She only pressed herself closer to him with barely restrained urgency.

Oblivious, enthralled, neither of them heard the footsteps or the soft laugh – only the words.

"Jack – you never mentioned _this_."

They broke apart and turned as one to look at the speaker. Captain John Hart's smirk widened. "Room for another one in your cosy little office affair?"

Jack and Gwen looked at each other and moved apart, discreetly adjusting their clothing. Jack glared at the Time Agent. "No. And you _will not tell anyone_ about this. Understand?"

He paused, unwilling to agree.

"Or I will tell everyone -" Jack began, and John raised his hands in a gesture of surrender.

"Alright, alright." He pouted. "They wouldn't believe you, though."

"Try it."

John's eyes narrowed. "…Fine. Does this mean I can have that pretty boy of yours?"

Jack rolled his eyes. "_No._" Turning to Gwen, he gave her a look of exasperation. "I'm sorry -"

"No, no, it's fine." Gwen smiled with false politeness. "You two go on, you've got things to sort out. And I've got work to do." With a hint of a smile at Jack, she turned and walked off, leaving the two men behind.

Jack watched her leave, and when he turned back he groaned inwardly at the wicked grin on John's face.

"Details, please?"

"Not a chance."

There was no way he was going to explain himself, to John Hart of all people; but he'd known the other man long enough to know that he was nothing if not persistent. It was going to be a long night.

---

Author's note: I don't usually ship these two, but I had fun writing this. They're good together. Still, I'll be sticking to Jack/Ianto in future, I think, unless I get more requests...


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